Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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