So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
