i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
