im drinking this country out of the recession.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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