i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
