Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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