I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
