Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
