i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
