We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
