ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
