My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
