she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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