his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
