GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
