I can't watch pbs sober anymore
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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