Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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