Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
