so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
