Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i barfeds in our rink
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
