Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
