look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
