Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
