You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
