Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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