I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
