Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
