please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
