She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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