hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
