You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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