She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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