Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
