i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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