i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
