So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
