did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
