She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
