That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
