i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
