i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
where are my eyebrows?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
