Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
