oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
