If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
