Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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