yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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