Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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