i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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