It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
