I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
